FACING MY MORTALITY

2023 was an incredible year for me, I can’t lie. It was one of the best years of my life but it wasn’t without it’s challenges. I had a health scare mid-summer of 2023 that only a handful of people know about. I was diagnosed with a large organ after having a routine body scan for another ailment. An organ, that when enlarged, means a hosts of bad things are happening within your body. Without going in depth, I immediately began to question my existence and how long I had left to live. I broke down and cried quite a few times but a small part of me actually felt comfort in knowing that I’ve lived a good life. A life that I’d built from the ground up. A life far bigger than I could have ever imagined for myself. It took a million blood tests and body scans and nearly 2 months of agonizing while waiting for results but it turned out that my condition was benign. I was just born that way apparently. And even though I thought up until that point, that I’d be ok if it was my time to go, I definitely felt a shift in me. Being faced with your mortality has a way of doing that. The death of a loved one also has a way of doing that. But the further we get from those jarring life events, the easier it is to forget and fall back in the patterns of existing, instead of living. 

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

I don’t have many resolutions. I wouldn’t even call them resolutions. I just plan to be a better friend, daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin and niece this year. I want the people I love to know and feel that I love them…all the time. Even when they get on my nerves. I’d also like to retire my grandmother, start a scholarship for Black Women in Physical Therapy at my alma mater and put organize the first family reunion since the matriarch of our family died a few years ago. I’d like to better myself and my brain by reading and writing everyday. A practice I begin before the New Year. I find that it’s easy to let your brain wither away while aimlessly scrolling Instagram, or putting on the latest TV show for binge watching. I find that I’m most creative when I’m reading or writing and I want more of that fire, passion and creativity in 2024. Although I’ve been keeping up, and doing well, the creativity has most certainly left the building and I’ve been operating on autopilot. Just enough to keep afloat.

RESOLUTIONS CONTINUED…

I didn’t have a lot growing up and I grew up fearing being poor and not being able to provide for a family, should I decide to have one. It took many many many years to break free of that fear. It’s one of the things that held me back from going Full-Time as a content creator. The fear of being without. The fear of not knowing where my next check was coming from. Even after years of having a steady and incredible income, I was still in fear. I finally let that fear go in 2023 and I’m not looking back. Sometimes fear is good, like in instances of life and death. But I find that fear of the unknown has been the biggest obstacle in the way of me pursuing things in life that I know would make me a happier person and thus a better person. It’s ok to do things, even when you’re afraid because it can push you into your purpose. Trials and tribulations show you what you’re made of. Anytime I’m going through a hard time, I just think to myself: this is going to be a juicy part of the memoir of my life that I’m subconsciously writing in my mind everyday. Even when you’re in survival mode, try to take the time to enjoy life and where you are at that moment in time and the things to be thankful for even if you’re not at the place you thought you’d be at this time. I’m not sure why I’m even telling you all what I plan to do, but maybe it can help you put things in perspective when thinking of your own goals for 2024. They say you shouldn’t tell your goals or your plans, but I do everything I say I’m going to do, so I don’t feel the need to not share or overshare.

PLAN THE VISION

They say you make plans and God laughs and I believe that to be true but I also believe that God helps those who help themselves. The only thing that has helped me get over my fear is faith. Stepping out on blind faith and believing and knowing and working and willing myself into the life I want and crave and desire and deserve. There is a sense of surrender and a release of worry when you realize, you don’t have to do it all. You have help and most of the time you are equipped with the tools to do whatever you need to do to get to the life you want. To help me do that I create a vision board. I usually get a thumb tack board from Amazon. I sit down with a few of my favorite magazines and rip and cut out inspiration such as: things I desire, brands I want to work with, numbers I want to hit, pieces I’d like to acquire, trips I’d like to take. Then I just look at it everyday, unintentionally. It’s somewhere in my peripheral (namely in my office in Harlem). Would you believe me when I tell you that by the end of the year, I have to remove most of the photos, because all the things manifest.

It’s actually kinda scary in the best way, what your mind subconsciously works towards daily without you even noticing it. Since I split my time now between Harlem and Miami, I decided to create a vision board on Canva. I just saved a few photos, brands I want to work with and such and dropped them into a template. I then saved it as my wallpaper for my laptop. Whether I want to or not, I will see these images, these numbers, these goals every single day and I’ll just have faith in the rest. I also invested in an actual planner. I have one from Louis Vuitton but I really needed a 3 ring binder so I can keep track of my campaigns, due dates, schedules for Youtube and Thank You emails to send. I ordered 2024 Planner Inserts from The Line Shop and can’t wait to set up my new planner. I also bought another Louis Vuitton Black Epi Agenda to house my daily journal. I find that starting my day with a synopsis of the day before and doing a little brain dump and chronicle of my life (for the memoir and the movie LOL) helps me decompress and start my day off light. 

THE FIRST MOVE

My first move of 2024 was to book a trip. January is a month of rebirth for me and for me to capture and find new passions and ignite old ones. That always happens for me when I’m surrounded by natures beauty. So we will be traveling a lot this month. If fact I’m writing this blog post from my favorite chair in Harlem. I’m in New York for a few days enjoying a bit of cold crisp weather. This month is about reveling in delight and finding the fun and hunger again instead of coasting on what I’ve already built. I want to forge ahead anew with something a little different. Something a little new but something that still me. A better me. 

Happy New Year